Disney Stoners

Roquefort the Mouse in Aristocats

This lil’ stoney pants has munchies so strong he can smell Crème de la Crème à la Edgar through the wall, and even has a cracker on hand for dunking. Something tells me that he’d totally be that stoner friend who shows up to bum a hit right after you toke up.

Buzzie, Flaps, Ziggy, and Dizzy, the Vultures in Jungle Book

These birds were originally supposed to be voiced by The Beatles, though the Fab Four never got around to recording their lines. However, they still seem to be a parody of the band, and are obviously a bunch of stoners trying to figure out what they’re doing.

Aurora in Sleeping Beauty

Homegirl smoked too much herb and took a stoney nap, a.k.a. asleep for all time.

Ariel in The Little Mermaid

She smokes seaweed and hangs with sea creatures…what’s more stoney than that.

Magic Carpet in Aladdin

I always felt that the Magic Carpet was a very undervalued character from Aladdin. This cool customer didn’t even need lines to get its personality across, and there’s just a laid back attitude to this piece of floor covering that leads me to believe it puff, puffs, and passes.

Tarzan in Tarzan

The only thing this typical skater boy needs is an actual skateboard, since he rides the trees, man. His island-cool vibe totally includes some time to blaze.

Goofy

Goofy is practically the Shaggy of the Disney world, though I guess since he’s technically a dog, he’s Shaggy and Scooby. Either way, he’s not just adorably goofy, he’s stoner goofy.

The Dormouse in Alice in Wonderland

Everyone else in Wonderland is definitely on LSD, but not this lil’ guy! You can see it in his eyes, he’s stoned out of his tiny mouse mind.

Friar Tuck in Robin Hood

Something about him gives off a laid-back and stoned attitude, but the spiritual sort. He must grow his own stash in a tiny garden in the monastery, and when he gets high, he talks to you about the nature of God.

Winnie the Pooh

They say that the characters in the Winnie-the-Pooh series represent mental illnesses, but I say the same argument could be made for them representing drugs. Compared to Tigger (who obviously does cocaine) or tweaker Piglet, Winnie the Pooh definitely tokes heavy and then gets mad munchies for honey.

Why You Should Start Watching The Bachelor

With The Bachelor franchise reaching its 15th anniversary in March, it can be easy to want to blow the show off as an ancient relic. But I happen to think The Bachelor (and its spin-off shows) is becoming much more interesting and watchable. The Bachelor occupies a unique space in the reality TV landscape, as well as American pop culture, and is worth watching for that reason alone. However, there are several other recent changes and evolutions in the series that provide even more reasons to check it out.
1. New Bachelorette, Rachel Lindsay

The recent trend in Bachelor nation is that one of the losing ladies or gents from the previous Bachelor season is chosen to become the new Bachelorette or Bachelor, and this season they’ve made history by choosing the first Bachelorette of color, Rachel Lindsay. Try to ignore the egregious mistake of never having a leading lady (or man) of color, by celebrating how awesome Rachel is, and how great it is that ABC is finally rectifying that blunder. Lindsay is an attorney who comes from Dallas, Texas, is in her 30s, obviously gorgeous, and incredibly down to earth. She describes her outlook on the Bachelorette process as skeptical but hopeful, which I think is a refreshing and healthy perspective. Her season is a great jumping-on point for those curious about the series but who haven’t been watching.

2. More Diversity

Bachelor nation shows have never exactly been a bastion of diversity, in fact there are usually painfully few contestants of color, and until season 21 of the Bachelor, no black contestants even made it past week five. Luckily, with Rachel Lindsay cast as the new Bachelorette, the door to wider diversity has been flung open. Some contestants for her season have been revealed, and several of them are men of color, setting a good precedent early on. The previous season of the Bachelorette, staring Jojo Fletcher, featured such a monochromatic cast that I can’t wait for Rachel’s season and a rainbow of hot, eligible men.

3. Appropriate Ages

 

 

 

 

 

There has been a trend in Bachelor nation to cast younger contestants, and to be honest, it just felt a little icky. Bachelor Ben Higgins was only 25 at the time of his season, which feels a little young to be desperately searching for one’s soul mate, and some of the contestants on his season were as young as 23, which definitely feels a little young to be making a marriage-level commitment. Bachelor Nick Viall was 36, and so him dating 23 year olds was really starting to feel gross. Plus, a young cast of contestants inevitably invites more petty and juvenile drama. Rachel Lindsay is 30, and so it is a fair guess that the men on her season will hopefully be as mature as she is, lending to a more believable and appropriate relationship.
4. Bachelor in Paradise

What do you do with all the charismatic, ripe for tv, eliminated contestants? ABC has brilliantly solved this problem with Bachelor in Paradise, the best trash fire of summer. The eliminated contestants are placed on a beach in Mexico to drink heavily, go on dates, and decide via rose ceremony if they want to stay in newly-formed relationships, or ditch their previous partner to chase the hot new tail showing up each week. This show takes itself the least seriously of all the Bachelor nation shows, and has a refreshing tongue-in cheek-attitude.

Not only is Bachelor in Paradise the most entertaining show of the series, but also forges some of the most believable relationships due to the unique set up. Rather than one person having to divide their time between 30-odd people to date, contestants on Bachelor in Paradise spend much more time with each other, giving them a chance to actually get to know each other before getting engaged.

 

5. More Real Emotion Than You Think

 

 

Although just about every contestant knows that they can arrange some sort of Instagram sponsorship post-Bachelor(ette), there are still many contestants that do seem to be on the show for the “right reasons.” There are real connections that happen between people that are not just acting, but actual chemistry. It’s a sort of fascinating look at American dating culture and conventions, as well as general human nature. It take several weeks before anyone seems anywhere close to being “in love,” but by the last couple episodes of the season, there might be some genuinely touching moments.

 

6. I’ll Be Doing Bachelor Recaps

This upcoming season of The Bachelorette I will start writing episode recaps, so even if you don’t take this opportunity to start watching, you can still stay up to date on all the Bachelor drama and nonsense you could want. I’ll be drinking Rosè and writing about all the Bachelor festivities, so you don’t have to! But of course, like most reality shows, it’s more fun watching with someone else, and I can be that someone else.

Beauty Review : e.l.f. Essential Lip Stain

The next cheap beauty item is almost too good to be true, and one of the best products for people who don’t really like wearing lipstick, or want to rock a more natural look. The e.l.f. essential lip stain is only $2, and I picked up mine at Target. The shades I tried had bold colors, but felt like wearing nothing! I was really impressed with the look these lip stains gave, and there was some control over how strong of a stain you want based on how much product you use.

There are four shades of lip stains, including a nude and a pink shade, though I tried the berry and crimson shades to sample. The brush tip comes to a solid point, so I apply the product with the sides of the brush, and define the lines with the point. The more passess with the brush, the darker the color will be, so you can go light or dark with your hue. The feel is great, and it really feels like wearing nothing on your lips at all.

My personal favorite was the berry shade, because it seemed more natural looking to me, and gives you that ‘just ate a popsicle’ look. The crimson shade is a surprisingly bright orange-red, and would be an amazing alternative to lipstick. However, I prefer my red lip to have blue undertones, and a matte finish, so it’s nice but not for me. All four shades have vitamin E added to the formula for hydration, so it isn’t drying at all, and I usually wear the shades with a lip balm over it, for extra smoothness.

I tested the staying power of these lip stains, and was slightly disappointed. The berry shade lasted fine through a smoke session, but the crimson shade didn’t make it very well through my movie popcorn. However, reapplication is pretty easy, since it’s hard to make a mess with this stuff. Overall this is a really versatile lip color, and good for both low key and bold looks. This would be perfect for anyone just getting into lipstick, since there’s a pretty easy learning curve. The best part is you could pick up the entire set for less than $10!

e.l.f. Essential Lip Stain can be purchased here.

Dear John,

How do you describe disgust? The taste it leaves in your mouth.  The way your brain buzzes.  The numbness that passes through you.

I am disgusted tonight.  Disgusted to be an American.  Disgusted because we allowed this disease to propagate on our soil.  This disease breeds disrespect, xenophobia, and our basest instincts.  My country did this, and I am so ashamed.

I truly thought we were better than this.  I had hoped, for my own treatment’s sake, that we were better than this.

But we are not better than this.

That is why I don’t want to be a ‘we’ anymore.  I’m breaking up with America.

I know it’s who I’ve been, and what I’ve been used to up until now, but it’s not who I am anymore.  I want to be single, and not an American.

I don’t want to be a part of America anymore.  All I know is that I’m not a part of it.  I need to go my own way, and you won’t let me, so I know it must end.

You’re free now – to do your own thing.

But it won’t include me.

M-Cubed